How to Get Over That Boy You Liked

Don’t open that next bottle of wine just yet. Whatever you have in your glass, finish it, and listen to a few unavoidable truths I have learned about heartbreak from the unfortunate memorization tactic of repetition.

You’re sad now, I understand. It’s been about ten days since he’s reached out to you last, and maybe two weeks since he’s told you that you’re beautiful. He’s been busy, he said. Finals or whatever, he said.

It’s not that you don’t think you deserve better, but rather that you don’t want anyone better else. Not-awful-looking men have been talking to you, and you’ve thought about a few of them, but none of them say your name in a way that leaves your skin gripping tighter to your bones like he can.

His eyes have, without invitation, imprinted themselves in your mind. But his words, or lack thereof, speak louder than the piercing eyes in the back of your skull. He isn’t there for you, and he has left you unhappy.

Okay, pop the wine; let’s get on with the advice:

  1. Take your happiness back into your own hands; keep it within reach.
  1. It is not his job to remind you that you’re beautiful. While it’s nice, and always encouraged, you won’t believe he finds you beautiful if you cannot honestly agree with him.
  1. Take time for yourself, whether it is 6 hours or 6 weeks. If you are already struggling to keep him around or responding to you, re-dedicate yourself to something that you love. Not someone. Find something you are passionate about, and do it every day. Don’t call him. 
  1. Tell your friends you love them, and focus on your healthy relationships. When you learn to love the people around you, you learn to love yourself. It wasn’t the world that hurt you; the world is still laughing with you.
  1. Laugh. Even if you don’t mean it, laugh. One day you’ll realize that sad forced laugh has evolved into a full-stomach cackle, and you’ll forget how to stop laughing.

You won’t forget the pain you felt, but eventually you will forget the way he held your hand. His piercing eyes will start to fade from your memory. The feeling of his hand around your waist will dissolve into a faint blur. Your heart will hurt less, and you will curl your hair for dates on Saturday nights again.

“Happiness” and “him” will stop being synonyms.

Photo on 5-9-15 at 7.03 PM #2**Author Note: This is a personal topic that’s been close to my heart lately so I’ve attached a webcam (not edited) photo of myself opposed to the usual stock photo. Believe you’re beautiful, ladies. 😉 

How to Date the Sensitive Extrovert This Summer

She will be fragile. Handle her laughter, and her sadness, with care. She’ll tell you that her laughter sounds like rain, when to you it feels like sunshine. She will forget that you think she is beautiful, and you will have to remind her. Tell her that her hair reminds you of the forthcoming summer seas. Her tendrils like salty water, and her eyes like the ocean blue itself. Imagine her on sailboats and buried in the sand.

She will be eager to go out. She will grab you by your wrists and tell you every night is a good night to be out of the house. She will be eager to see your friends, as well as her own. But like sea salt to a wound, every word uttered behind her back will sting her. She will want everyone to love her, both on your arm and alone. She will try on five outfits and call that “a quick outfit choice.” Smile, and confirm her delusional belief- five outfit changes is nothing, she’s tried on at least fifteen in the past.

She will read books, and get lost in a world of fiction. They will probably be romance novels, and she may build up romantic gestures in her mind. Be romantic; sweep her off her feet (if she’s into it). Tell her you’d love to stay home tonight and watch her favorite movie. It will probably be one “based off of her favorite book.” She loves the kissing scenes.

She will drink coffee and tell you about the world, but will also drink beer and tell your friends about partying. She will be two different people; each side to match the situation and the mood. Alone, she might make your head spin and dance on your nerves, but when you are at a party, you will catch yourself checking her out while she befriends all who will listen to her. She has a strange way of catching attention, and you should remind her she is beautiful in her soul.

She will want days of running around in Nikes, and nights of stargazing in the grassy field behind your house. She will want days of pick up trucks and country music festivals, and nights of red Solo cup house parties. She is both sensitive and social. She will smile at you like you’re the reason she knows how to do so. Take her out and let her gallop; keep her in and tame the lion.

Taste the sea salt on her lips, and run your callused fingers through her beach infused waves. Hold her hand when she drops her freckle-filled shoulders with frustration. Maybe she is a tad overly sensitive, but that summer-bonfire-spark in her eyes will keep you coming back.

sensitiveextrovert

An Apology to the Children of Baltimore

In this past week, you have seen a cycle of violence sweep through your city. This is not just a tragedy for Baltimore, but rather a tragedy for the United States of America. The tragedy is not the protesting, which is your right as a citizen, but rather the fact that Baltimore has chosen to fight violence with violence.

Police brutality is a real thing that America needs to acknowledge and protest, but we have used the actions of a few police officers to tear down the entire profession.

With this, I want to apologize to you. You are watching confusing violence on your televisions and through your windows. We have put the lives of your older loved ones at risk when they leave their homes, and instilled fear regarding your safety in your parents and siblings. We are teaching you to fight injustice with injustice instead of education and peaceful action.

When you grow, when you are of the age you may make decisions for yourself- you will find a form of injustice you feel strongly about. I am not sure what your spark will be, but please do not follow my generation’s course of action. Educate those around you, and work for peaceful outcomes. Work for justice with justice.

I am sorry we have left your cities, your neighborhoods, in shambles. We have destroyed the streets that you will grow up in because we have decided that is the best possible way to fight for peace.

You are the future of Baltimore; you are the future of America. Be the change part of my generation has failed to pursue this past week.

You cannot put out a fire by adding more fire; you cannot abolish injustice with more injustice.

When you fight fire with fire, the whole city will burn.

Child

A Letter to My Future Daughter About Fraternity Men

My dearest daughter,

The action of joining a fraternity does not make a man a monster, despite media telling you otherwise.

If a man is going to commit heinous acts against a woman, he will do so regardless of his fraternal involvement.

However, the sad truth is that we as a nation have allowed “fraternity” and “rape” to become correlated words.

Do not allow your peers and the media to skew your perception of these men. Fraternities are not a place of rape and sexual abuse. There are exceptions to this, unfortunately, and the men involved in those atrocious cases deserve Hell. They deserve every legal punishment inflicted on them and I would not wish the emotional distraught they have caused their victims on my worst enemies. With that, please know that these awful men are not an accurate representation of fraternities.

Monsters like them are the exception; they are not the rule.

Fraternities are a place of brotherhood, and often build a boy into a man. These brothers spend countless hours planning philanthropic events that raise outstanding funds for national organizations. A fraternity at the University of Alabama raised tens of thousands of dollars for suicide awareness within a week of the tragic death of a brother this past fall. They walked in a suicide awareness walk that next Sunday, showing their unfaltering sense of brotherhood.

These men not only spend time supporting their own philanthropic causes, but extend their generosity to other organizations as well. A sorority here organizes a 5K each year with all proceeds supporting the domestic violence campaign Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. Participants are fraternity men that have willingly chosen to walk a mile in heels.

I hope your generation will work to correlate the word “fraternity” with “brotherhood” and “philanthropy.” These two examples I have given you- these men are the rule.

These men spend their four collegiate years actively involved in campus events and activities. They exemplify many of the characteristics our generation needs in order to succeed.

Places of employment often look highly upon fraternal involvement post-graduation, but now the same involvement is frowned upon during the collegiate years themselves.

The next time you see a college-aged man on the news for a vulgar crime, use the sense of judgment I hope I have instilled in you. If he is in a fraternity, the main headline will say so. However no news site will tell you if this man is in any other college organization, because it is not considered a “scandal.”

Men without fraternal association follow the standard “innocent until proven guilty,” so why have we allowed fraternity men to become “guilty until proven innocent?”

Do not let the pattern of Greek shaming continue. Separate the monsters from the men, and the fraternity name from the crime.

When a man inflicts harm (physically or mentally) on a woman, do not stand idly by and let your peers look down upon his fraternal affiliation. Remind everyone who will listen that the emphasis should be placed upon the victim and her healing, not on what organizations her attacker was involved with.

Like any other organization, you will find both good and bad men in fraternities. Not every chapter of every fraternity will exemplify their national standard. It is up to you to separate the boys from the men and the crime from the fraternity.

Fraternity

Why Our Generation is Failing at Traditional Romance

I would often come home from elementary school and middle school to see a bouquet of flowers on our kitchen table. There was no reason; Dad would buy them just to see Mom smile. He always told me, even though they were married, “a man can never stop chasing his woman.”

Now, maybe I have simply been dating the wrong men, but I don’t see or experience the same chase our parents experienced.

Technology has glorified and encouraged one-night stands and changed our generation’s expectations regarding sex.

There have been overwhelming amounts of debates regarding whether it is appropriate for women to pursue men, and I am fully in support of women taking the initiative. Before I elaborate on how our generation has failed to practice appropriate romantic pursuits, I would like to clarify that the “chase” I am describing does not necessarily pertain only to a man pursuing a woman.

Technology has taught us the idea of instant gratification, and we have extended that idea of instant gratification into other parts of our lives, ultimately skewing our understanding of romance. The pursuit of an individual no longer includes flowers, phone calls, or efforts of the same accord.

While I do agree that technological advances are necessary in society, I believe that individuals abuse this technology in order to better their life in the bedroom.

Why pursue someone you meet in a real setting who won’t necessarily end up going home with you, when you can swipe right on Tinder and message your matches until someone agrees to come over?

Let’s be honest, most individuals that agree to meet up past 10 pm have a basic understanding that the underlying intentions may not be wholesome.

 Sex is a basic human need; it has been characterized as such since Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. There are physical and emotional benefits of sexual activity, and I am in no way trying to belittle the individuals who engage in these activities. Only you can decide whom to have sex with, and only you can decide how long is appropriate to wait before having sex with your partner.

But because sex has become such a common part of college culture, it is often expected immediately, and what’s worse is that it is often expected without any attachment.

While some individuals would prefer this type of casual sex, the expectation of immediacy has resulted in individuals who do not want to engage in such sex being referred to and identified as “prude” or a “tease.”

The idea of an individual abstaining from sexual activity used to be highly respected, and it was looked down upon to engage in casual sex. As I have said, I do not believe individuals are wrong in pursing casual sex. Sex is a personal choice, and America has made great strides in eradicating “slut shaming” in college settings (although there is still work to be done). However, with casual sex on the rise, those who choose to refrain from it are no longer as acknowledged in evening settings on campus.

When my mom sat me down to have the great “birds and bees” talk, she began it with the cliché line “when two people love each other very much…” As overused as it is, I remember understanding that sex was a big deal, and ultimately a direct result of love. As I grew up, external influences began to alter my overall understanding of sex, making a concept that once seemed so intimate nothing more than an action that two individuals engage in for carnal bliss.

I believe that technology is directly responsible for our generation’s division of love and sex. Sex has just become another form of instant gratification.

Gone are the days of spending four hours preparing for a first date, as you hope they find you attractive during your first time experiencing a romantic setting. With apps such as Tinder and Hot or Not, there is a chance that these two individuals have already had an intimate encounter. No longer is a first impression formed from a first date, but more often from a first “meet up.”

As a woman who spent years asking her parents to tell the story of how they met, the idea that modern “romance” is often achieved through an iPhone app and a late night encounter greatly disappoints me.

One of my biggest fears is telling my children that I met their father because we both “swiped right.”

I want my future children to respect both themselves and their partners, and come to their own decisions regarding their sexual experiences. I do not want my children to feel that responding to a message they receive at 11 pm on a Friday night is the only way to find romance.

I would like to hope that like my mother, I will come home to flowers for no reason other than the love of my life wanting to see me smile.

I would like to believe the chase still exists, and it involves more than simply swiping right.

casualsex

Why I Will Never Respect Meghan Trainor

Dear Meghan,

You have manipulated thousands of adolescent teenagers into a twisted ideology of positive body image, and what’s worse is that I don’t think you even know you in are in the wrong. I do believe that you have a good, kind heart- I really do. However, I believe you are grossly misinformed and confused about your own image, and because of that, you should not be a symbol of positive self-image for women of any age.

Your fame is based off of your promotion of the idea that every female is beautiful in her own way- a belief that I have as well. The difference is that I don’t promote the idea that being curvy is necessarily better than being thin. You have degraded petite females to get further on your path to fame, and further skewed the concept of “positive body image.”

Any revenue you have collected from your song “All About That Bass” is dirty money, and you should be embarrassed as to how you “earned” that money.

At first listen, your song is about self-confidence and self-acceptance. Both of these concepts desperately need promotion in young America, as over 75% of women between the ages of 15 and 17 admit to participating in self-destructive behavior as a result of having low self-esteem.

Unfortunately, by the second listen of your song, it is clear you are going about body positivity the wrong way. You say “boys they like a little more booty to hold at night,” which tells your young and confused female listeners that a man’s acknowledgment is important, and the reason they should obtain a certain build. What’s worse is you shame petite frames, and many women have petite frames that they have acquired naturally or through a healthy lifestyle. When you refer to these women as “stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll[s],” you are belittling their lifestyle choices and their own self-image. As if “Barbie” isn’t degrading enough, you went on to call the same category of women “skinny bitches.” Body positivity is not exclusively available to curvy women, and whatever your definition of “bitch”- it is not exclusive to petite women.

Now I will not tell you that every petite woman in the world has obtained that weight naturally. Eating disorders are a serious issue in America, affecting 10 million women and 1 million men nationwide. Unfortunately, you have even managed to degrade those 11 million individuals by making light of their struggle in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. You told interviewers “you were never strong enough to have an eating disorder.” Here is where I would like to stop you, and explain what somehow you have not grasped: you are now glorifying eating disorders, while also shaming petite frames and promoting a curvy frame.

You are a walking contradiction, and I do not respect you or your ideologies.

I am sorry for the young women who will hear your misinformed and offensive view on self-acceptance, and I am sorry especially for the young curvy women who will now seek inappropriate affirmation and attention from their male peers. I am sorry for the young petite women who now believe they are not attractive. Lastly, I am sorry for the individuals that struggle with eating disorders, because society was just starting to grasp the seriousness of such illnesses, and you have now stopped that progression with your thoughtlessness.

You owe the young women in this nation an apology, and I am ashamed that you have become an icon for body positivity in America. You have done nothing but manipulate young minds to further your career.

meghantrainor

25 Things You Should Thank Your High School Friends For

  1. Thank you for being there when I failed my first big test, and for offering to make the red, Sharpie “F” look like a red, Sharpie “A”
    ididthebest
  2. Thank you for warning me he would break my heart, even though I didn’t listen to you.
    connection
  3. Thank you for getting ready for endless dances and parties in my way too cramped bathroom, and for straightening my hair when I thought teasing it was a good idea.
    freakingout
  4. Thank you for teaching me there’s a difference between wrong and super-wrong-like-jail-time-wrong.
    prisonlady
  5. Thank you for making me macaroni and cheese while I eat ice cream and cry about my boy troubles.
    icecream
  6. Thank you for calling him on a blocked number, just to make sure he wasn’t ignoring me.
    phonecall
  7. Thanks for telling me I deserved better when we found out he really was ignoring me.
    cinderella
  8. Thank you for reminding me to stop drinking frappuccinos a month before prom, those pictures wouldn’t be in my living room otherwise.
    dietfrap
  9. Thank you for experiencing the bitter taste of liquor for the first time with me.
    firstdrink
  10. Thanks for holding my hair when I threw up afterwards.
    actnormal
  11. Thank you for texting me while I was grounded after my parents found out.
    jail
  12. Thank you for being the perfect mix of responsible and immature.
    makegoodchoices
  13. Thank you for helping me clean the house when morning came way too quickly.
    party
  14. Thank you for waiting for me while I took an hour to do my makeup every morning and night.
    waitingforyou
  15. Thank you for helping me donate his sweatshirts after he cheated on me.
    geteven
  16. Thank you for making a workout schedule with me when I felt fat.
    pushups
  17. Thank you for pretending to forget about the workout schedule with me.
    fakeworkout
  18. Thank you for answering your phone at 2 a.m. when I thought my world was crumbling.
    imdone
  19. Thank you for listening to me when I told you “this one really may be the one”…four different times.
    shakingheadno
  20. Thank you for staying up until 3 in the morning with me watching R-rated movies before we were allowed.
    wildgirls
  21. Thank you for turning it off when my mom came downstairs.
    imbrilliant
  22. Thank you for quoting Mean Girls with me even though we’re considered “adults” now.
    loveya
  23. Thank you for letting me sleep at your house so we could stay out past curfew.
    curfew
  24. Thank you for being able to pick our friendship up where we left off when I come home from college.
    mybitches
  25. Thank you for reminiscing about high school with me, while still helping me do ridiculously crazy things to make new memories. These are the days we’ll look back on and smile, so thank you for all the smiles.
    thosewerethedays